I want to stick my p in your. b.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
