Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize