I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
