I showed him my bush... on skype.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
