Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
