I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
