America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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