Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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