Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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