Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
