fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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