I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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