what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
