she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How external is "for external use only"?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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