fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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