so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
