If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
