Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize