I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
