can we get nightvision for the apartment?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
