I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
