I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize