you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
