Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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