I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dignity is for republicans.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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