Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
