you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
