now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
