Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
