coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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