My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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