the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
