Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
