Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i out mim tonsoeep
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
