girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
