Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
