I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
