I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
