Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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