brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
