I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize