I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
