Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
