oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
