i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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