I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
