Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
