once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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