please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well you can't waste a boner
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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