I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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