glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
