how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
