elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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