I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
pray to the hookup gods
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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