he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
