I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize