remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
