I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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