Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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