we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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