maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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