I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
