Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
