I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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