Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Floor bacon is actually really good
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
