Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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