Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
