Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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