One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
