I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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