he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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