Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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