she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
