She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
