we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Randomize
