id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
